Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I'm so sad right now n Andy isn't home and I can't call him cause my grandma's on the phone and she won't let me use the cell phone so basically I'm just gonna have to deal with being sad until he either gets on or I can call.... I haven't really talked to him at all today we talked for like 20 minutes maybe this morning but then I think that I made him mad so hes all I'm gonna go to sleep and things so yeah I don't know.. I seem to always make him mad anymore and I don't mean to I really don't. Thats the last thing that I wanna do. It's just when he starts talking to me about meghan it bothers me cause I always feel like I'm gonna lose him to her cause shes like a lot better than I am at least sometimes I think that he thinks that she is... I mean I'm even afraid of losing him to Sydney n thats his girlfriend. It's just hes my best friends hes the only person that I really have and I'm just afraid of losing him.. so that makes sense right...to be jealous I guess?? I don't know.. I just wish that I would quit fucking up all the time....I need drugs like so bad right now that its not even funny but I can't do it.. I'm not gonna go back to my old ways no matter how bad I want to. I've promised too many people that I wouldn't do it, one being Andy and the other being my brother.. the two most important ppl in my life, okay well I'm off here! I need a boyfriend sooooo bad right now!